So I'm lying in the dentist's chair and she's having a good old poke around in my mouth. So far, so normal. I even had to sit and wait for 40 minutes to be seen which proved depressingly normal. In fact the only time in the past 5 years that she's been running bang on time is the one time I was 5 minutes late. But that's another story.
It's a routine checkup so for once I'm feeling fairly calm and managing not to get the dreaded prickly, sweaty palm syndrome that makes me want to push her aside and run for the hills. As she moves onto my molars, I risk a quick look at her face which although close, is slightly out of focus thanks to the plastic, mysteriously shaded safety specs that they make you don before any mouth action gets going. It must be ok, she's smiling.
"Beautiful" she croons, digging that little metal pointed thing into my gum. Still I do not wince. "Lovely" she purrs, pulling down on my bottom lip and inspecting my off-side lower canine or whatever it's called. "You 'aff flossed very well and ze brushing is vehry goood". I'm paraphrasing and emphasisng here for effect as she's from Greece so speaks in a pleasingly soft way.
"Now we'll just do an x-ray to see if everything is as it should be". I shake my head now that her hands are out of my mouth. No thanks, I say in a firm voice. I've decided that I'm not having any more x-rays now unless I really have to - anywhere on my body. She recoils and looks shocked, the smile dropping from her face. I've had too many in my lifetime already, I explain as the dental nurse turns to stare at me too.
She says to me slowly and clearly, as if to a rather difficult child, that an x-ray will just check that there is nothing wrong, but rather rudely I cut her off and say again - sorry but it's my policy not to have a radiation shower, especially on my head, unless there's absolutely a good reason. I start to get off the chair even before she's lowered it and end up sitting sideways, legs swinging awkwardly, waiting as she presses the pedal and returns me to terra firma, looking for all the world like a naughty toddler about to leg it.
As soon as Timberland touches floor I'm heading across to where my coat and scarf are. She's still relating the benefits of x-rays to highlight hidden nasties in the dental area and hoping that maybe next time I'll change my mind and will agree to have one.
No chance. Reader, I then did leg it, not in a rude way you understand, with a smile and a thank you and a see-you-next-time cheery wave. But I'm holding firm on this one - no more unecessary x-rays. Better go easy on the Christmas choccies as really don't want to be back in her chair come January with mysterious toothache issues!
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