Dark Days

Ugh I'm having a 'dark day'.   Occasionally, and thank goodness it is only occasionally, the gloom descends and I can do nothing about it.  I awoke feeling a bit bleugh, nothing unusual there as it's been happening for about the last seven days but I put it down to fighting off the seasonal sniffle that seems to be doing the rounds.

I forced myself out of bed and up onto my hind legs.  HH was at the gym so I had two bouncy kids to feed and get dressed for school.  The cat also needed medicating.  This cat, one of our four, is the one I shall call LDT or Little Dark Tortie.  Late on Saturday night (or it may even have been early Sunday morning) I blundered in from a girlie night in London, only to discover that LDT seemed to have half of her tail hanging off.  That sobered me up.  I held her close and wondered what the hell to do.  HH apparently knew about it as she had come in like it earlier in the evening, but he'd not thought to warn me.  Great.

So on Sunday morning I found myself at the emergency vets, waiting while they sedated and then stitched up the wound.  I am now about £300 worse off and LDT isn't very grateful as they made her wear one of those plastic lampshade things around her neck so as I write, she's clumsily making her way around the house knocking said collar into everything.  I feel helpless and unable to ease her discomfort as the vet said she would only try and chew out her stitches if the collar comes off.

So, back to my gloomy morning.  When HH reappeared, we somehow got a tablet down LDT's unwilling throat and I got the kids to school, just about before the bell.  It's amazing how physically the gloom in my head affects me.  I feel a bit like I  have partial facial paralysis; smiling is a no-no today.  My shoulders are drooping and my posture is shot.

You know what my real trouble is?  I officially have nothing 'on' just now.  As a freelance journalist and property developer, my work is sporadic to say the least.  As a period of  well earnt 'downtime' approaches, I feel giddy with relief at not having to sort childcare, often at short notice, and not having to plan what we're all going to eat with military precision and make sure I've got the right thing out of the freezer at the right time.

I positively relish the opportunity to just 'be' for a while and not rush around like the proverbial blue arsed fly.  However, I am, at the heart of it, an adrenaline junkie who thrives on pressure and deadlines.  Whilst I might enjoy a short period of rest, I cannot do it for long.  And there, dear reader, is the crux of the matter.  I know that should the phone suddenly ring or an email drop into my inbox with promises of exciting offers of work, my mood would shift as dramatically as the sun appearing from behind a cloud.

But for now I'm heading back to the sofa where a hot water bottle and Homes Under the Hammer awaits my presence.