I'm sure I'm not alone in adopting many different roles as I trot along in life trying to figure out what it's all about and how best to stay sane(ish). I've been 'dynamic mum' (come on kids! let's do a page from your work books every day during the holidays and we'll go swimming and cycling every day too!); that one never lasts long.
For many years I was 'career girl' which was fabulous until I found myself being pulled every which way by the demands of motherhood and it came down to the simple fact that something had to go; kids or career. It was a close call.
I'm often 'caring friend', sharing and listening to woes, hopes and dreams. 'Party girl' I have had to scale back a tiny bit as it's taking me longer and longer to recover but I'm bravely working up to the coming Christmas period so that she can have quite a few well deserved outings. I'm sometimes 'seductive wife', well ok, only on birthdays and special occasions - Reader, it would never do to spoil him.
During September I have mostly been, entirely of my own volition, 'perfect wife and mother', yep it's a totally new one on me too. Basically I've chosen not to accept any paid work and have instead concentrated on being around and nurturing my family with love, attention and fresh, home-cooked food EVERY SINGLE DAY.
This unusual (for me) situation came about as a result of several factors, Husband's new job which means that during the week he is largely absent from family life, being one of them. Son is also now in Year 5, which will mean little to those of you who have very young ones or are child-free, but to those in the know, it's a pretty tough academic year for those poor little 9-year-olds with tutoring, homework and expectations piled on daily.
I've also been busy designing and drawing up plans for our Big House Project which is a sizeable extension and remodelling of existing rooms. I love the creative and mathematical process of measuring and drawing but blimey it's hard work. I console myself with the knowledge that while I may not be earning, I'm sure as heck saving us a whole heap of money in architect's fees. Plus I can fiddle around to my heart's content, drawing and re-drawing until I've predicted to the nth degree, how we will want to live for the next umpteen years.
But the whole wrap around nurturing, caring wife/mother role is one that doesn't come easily. I don't feel particularly privileged when anyone needs me on a regular basis, I feel trapped. I enjoy variety and have always been able to flit about doing lots of different things in the course of a day or week, and I'm also accustomed to receiving money and praise for my efforts.
When you're in the home all day every day, the pay and conditions are crap. In my experience nobody particularly thanks you or even notices that you've emptied the dishwasher (again) or tidied up inside that cupboard so that the door will actually shut. I find myself pointing out these small, mind-numbing tasks to anyone who will listen, which is often just the cats.
There are some perks of course. I have been able to exercise properly every day of September, reprising my 'fitness queen' role, something that working in London doesn't allow, and I've caught up with copious friends for coffee and lunch, but if I am to be there at the beginning and end of each day for my loved ones with an imaginatively crafted, healthy, nutritious meal in the oven, well, that all takes time.
When I began this I wasn't sure I would be able to keep it up for a whole month and keep a smile on my face too. But I've surprised myself by taking some pride in my domestic skills and by the effect it seems to have had on the family as a whole. The kids are enjoying the certainty that Mummy will be there to collect them every night and because my presence is felt, the homework is being done with minimum fuss and bother.
Husband departs each morning safe in the knowledge that he will return home to a calm and happy household. He keeps mentioning in a duly respectful and grateful tone (he's no fool that one), how much difference this is making to his work/life balance. Damn it! Why did they have to respond so well? Serious respect to all of you who successfully make this role your own, day in, day out but Reader, despite the obvious advantages to home and happiness I cannot do it forever, something will go bang at some point and it'll probably be me.
My house plans are complete and about to go in for the council's perusal and I'm beginning to feel that unmistakeable twitch, that thirst for adventure and a change of scene. I feel another role fast approaching and you can safely put money on that it will have little to do with dishwashers.
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